Dating Myself: A Mini Series

To break away from co-dependency, I have decided to take the plunge and go on a date by myself. This has been a goal of mine for many years, but I have often hesitated out of fear. For those who are fiercely confident, independent and seem to have no trouble taking on the world by themselves, this may seem like nothing new. But for us introverts or those that enjoy sharing experiences with others, partaking in fun activities by yourself can be intimidating. I have often explored coffee shops, snuggling in for the day with my laptop; however, never alone for the sole purpose of pleasure. To hold myself accountable, I will share my experiences and hope to inspire fellow homebodies to also step out on their own two feet.

Often in relationships, we wrap ourselves up in the warmth of another person and relax into the security that this provides. Subconsciously, we settle into the familiarity of doing everything together, not realising this can stop us growing as individuals. At the start of my new relationship, I noticed that I stopped pushing myself to experience things alone just for fun. It can also happen in a close circle of friends, as your free time becomes occupied by plans within the group, it slowly slips off your radar to enjoy your own company. People often assume that to be truly independent you need to be alone, detached from a significant other. Their argument rests on the laurels that it can be thrilling to enjoy freedom and joy in discovering who you are without the influence of another. Having started this journey of self-exploration, I realised that you don’t have to be alone to grow as a person or wait until you are to undergo your own adventures. In a relationship, both people will enjoy their own hobbies and interests that aren’t shared with the other. Although it can be fun to explore them with your partner, it’s nice to experience your own downtime and focus on what you like. At times, we all need a gentle reminder, as it’s easy to get too comfortable in the sanctuary offered by another.

Given my anxiety, I decided to start out small and take the plunge on a cinema date. This inspired me to finally start this series, as I found myself without a partner to watch the latest Marvel film, Doctor Strange. Instead of dragging along my boyfriend to a film that he wasn’t going to enjoy, I chose to take myself out.

Before entering the cinema, I felt a sense of apprehensive and nervousness, as a whirlwind of possibilities rang through my head – would people judge me for going alone? Would I feel lonely? Was it safe to go at night? These questions have rattled me before and often halted any solo adventures, but this time I was determined to follow through. Stepping into the dark room, I found myself alone. To my surprise, as the trailers started, I began to crave company, as an eery atmosphere set across the cinema. Five girls walked in and faced with company; I was relieved to hear them chatting and laughing amongst friends. I then started to settle in and relaxed in the comfort of the soft leather recliner, tango blast and pick and mix in hand. Other groups arrived just before the film started, again, paying no attention to the girl happily sat by herself.

In partaking in this experience, I had been nervous about receiving looks from others, yet, as I left the cinema, my opinion had dramatically changed. No one had cared that I was alone or even noticed, as they were too wrapped up in themselves and their own conversations to observe their surroundings. The evening had given me a chance to recharge, and I left feeling proud and happy.

This is a new adventure for me, and I look forward to enjoying more of these experiences. No matter how small, I encourage all of you to take yourself out for the evening, and who knows, you may even learn something new about yourself. Also, please feel free to share your own experiences below and let’s support each other, as we learn to treat ourselves to a little ‘me time’, no matter your love life.